November/Novembre

Lana Del Rey - Video Games

M83 - Too Late

The Polar Dream - Endless Tales

Daughter - Love

Home - Foxes

All Those Friendly People - Funeral Suits

Youth - Daughter 

Solèy - Kill The Clown

Solèy - Pretty Face

Sia - Breathe

Gonna be okay. Just take a deep breathe.

Today, i have a lots of taught even i can't face it. But honestly today was as boring as my previous days. Yeah, my daily routine. Wakes up in the morning, laziness on top, school, lessons, shit days. I've been through it all over again. But then i taught, "Why don't you make your own happiness?" That was the final thing. I've been through my daily boring day all over again and nothing has changed. So, i decided to opened my notes on my handphone and made list of things that would make me happy. The first thing that popped into my mind was the song called Young, Wild, and Free by Wiz Khalifa ft. Snoop Dogg and Bruno Mars, those are my favorite musician. This song never fails to amuse me, and also Boys Like Girls's The Great Escape. The next thing that makes me happy is when my bestfriend sent me some cute text and that was made my day! my bestfriend is the best, she could make me smile even when i don't want to, she's my moodbooster. The next thing might sound a lil bit crazy,  i like to modus with my senior in my high school. Maybe some of you don't understand what is the meaning of modus, it's some kind of insane-thing that would make you happy for no reason :p yeah but sadly modus  is  only exist in my lovely country.. Indonesia. Indonesian's ppl, especially Teenagers is love to modus or even being modus. For us, it has some weird sense that could light up all of sadness or galau people hahahaha lol.  And the last thing that makes me happy is eat. Especially is eats chocolate, i feel so free and i don't know... it tastes good. 

See? After all, today wasn't that bad. In fact, everything isn't that bad after all. Whenever you feel like there's nothing you can do to fight all the problems ...just look on the bright side. I usually to don't give a fuck of what people would think about me, this is my life and you have nothing to do about it. Go fuck yourself and go make your own happiness. 

If you believe in who you are, who you were always meant to be, if you open up your heart, then you'll set your spirit free. –Disney Fairies

you make me want to punch myself in the face.

Today was a boring day. It was bad in any way possible. I didn't exactly know why, but everything seemed really annoying. It's like, i want to eat all the people in this planet. It all started since i woke up this morning, i just didn't feel like doing anything. Not only today -- these past few weeks i've been getting very moody. And yeah, honestly, i'm not getting over him yet since 2 years ago. I know it takes a very long time, but.. Wanting him is hard to forget, loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt I've felt, letting go is the most painful yet. For a few minutes you made me feel as though I actually meant something to someone. It sucks when someone made you feel special yesterday, and then leaves you hanging without a goodbye and makes you feel like you're nothing to him.  I don't know which I would rather believe... that you never did care or that you eventually stopped. Where have you been, babe? did you forget to bring back my heart? you stole my heart and won't give it back to me. You have done teached me how to love you, but you forget to teach me how to forget you. You did hurt my heart, i don't know how many times. But i still love you, you make me feel like, I’ve been locked out of heaven... for too long. I never had much faith in love or miracles, and i never wanna put my heart on deny. But swimming in your world is something spiritual, i can't stop it. I love you more than you deserve, why am i such a fool? nothing feels right anymore. But, you know, You can erase someone from your mind, but getting them out of your heart is another story. And now i realise, every tears that i take, every sadness that i felt, even all of my sacrifice that i did for you, is not worth it anymore. My love grows like a dangerous disease. I swear it was the worst. They say that the world was built for two, only worth living if somebody is loving you. But i can't force you to love me, maybe it's true that i've been disappointed because we can't be together. But what can i do? Is it wrong to put all our hopes together and wish for something better? We are all connected to each other in a circle, in a hoop that never ends. But On this journey that you’re making, there’ll be answers that you’ll see. I won't give up. That's one thing I swear will be true, because I can't forget about my heart and how it felt to fall for you right from the start. When I look at you, I feel like we were made for each other but i knew, in the end, all it takes is faith and trust. The very things that held you down are gonna carry you up and up and up, i swear. But we all knew that the only thing predictable about life is its unpredictability, anything can happen if you let it. Sometimes things are difficult, but you can bet it doesn't have to be some. Hope for a miracle, that's all we can do. And don't worry, If the time comes, you'll know what to do. 

And now, i think i know what to do -- from now on, i should just take a deep breathe and let go. That's the best thing i could do. Maybe our memory will stay in my heart forever, but i choose to be happy. And i think, i could just make my own happiness. People change everyday till they find their own way, so can i. and mostly, people changes because pain. So, this is my advice -- if you won't let the person you love change, don't let them feel the pain. And once again, thanks for the memories. I'm glad you've been succeed for making me love you. Je t'aime, au revoir.

13

1.:Am I Nice? 

I don't really think that im a nice person but i'm pretty much sure that i'm not a cruella-devil....haha. lol that is a joke. But, usually my attitude is based on how you treat me. I don't care if you white, black, skinny, fat, tall, short or etc. If you nice to me, i'll be nice to you too. As simple as that. 

2:Am I doing what i really want to do?

Yes. I really hate it when others is tell me what to do. God, this is my life, not yours! mind your own business. Even when my dad, my mom or my brother tell me what to do; sometimes i don't do it because i won't and maybe i have another reasons. Yes, i'm a stubborn person. {Don't judge me, Only God can judge me}

3:What am i grateful for?

I am grateful for all i have. I am grateful of what God do to my life. Even when i'm sad, having a hard times, got a broken heart, mad or anything else that can makes me feel like 'i-don't-want-to-live-in-this-planet-anymore' I'm still grateful of what God do to my life, there must be a meaning of every moment 

that i've been through. God knows the best for me. 

4: Do i work hard?

Hahaha! that must be something that have a strong sense (For me). I think, until this time i never work hard, probably i've been really disappointed my parents, or even my family. I have no idea of what i did to my life. 

5:What do i need to change about myself?

Omg, that is a lot more than you can think. I'm stubborn, selfish, easily get angry, there's so much vice that i had in my personality. But honestly, i want to live a life in a new perspective. really.

6:Have i hurt others?

YEEEESSS! i feel really sorry for that. I've been hurting a lot of people.  And sometimes, i really don't mind about feeling of others. Maybe i was a b##tard, i think so. 

7:What is my biggest fear?

My biggest fear? it was absolutely dark. I mean, the real darkness. This world is full of crime, rape, stealing, fierce competition, LIES. Really... i can't even describe it. I have a weird sense of thinking; but this is my life, my world. 

8:What am i ashamed of?

honestly, i ashamed of my life; i have so much misery. But i usually force to fake a smile, a laugh because sometimes I don't want others know when i'm in pain, in hard times, or else. I am afraid to give my expression to others. People say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but the truth is; what doesn't kill you messed you up mentally; you better recognize what is real. And i've learned the hard way. 

9:What is the most foolish thing i've ever done?

I do stupid things everyday, i think. So i guess this far i've never done the most foolish thing because stupid things is became my habit now; especially when i get comfortable with someone. {i'm a teenager. So, what's the matter?}

10: Where is the place you would love to visit? 

AAAAAAAAAH! I WANT TO ROVING THE EUROPE! ESPECIALLY PAAAARIS! You know, paris is the most beautiful place in da world. {For me, i think} Roma, Belgium, Denmark, Italy, Germany and a lot more of lovely place! someday, i would love to be able live in one of those lovely place!

11: What am i most proud of?

I am proud of me. I am proud to just being myself and to enjoy the whole world with the people i love. As simple as that. Happiness, joyful, grateful. I'd rather to play in a sand with my family and being an idiot with my cousins writing some weird name in a sand than to have all stuf that i wanted but being alone or falling apart with the people i love. I don't want to lose them!

12: What was the toughest time in my life?

i guess it was when my parents threatened by divorce. Really, i am so depressed. And as you know, i've got a mental illness because of it. But i don't want to talk about it, i almost over it. Doctor, friends and my family are supporting me always :]

13: What is the craziest thing i want to do?

First, i want to do ANYTHING for education. You know, i want to change the world. {Don't judge me} but i have to change myself first. And second, i want to travel the world with the people that i love. Seriously! i really want to do those thing! {God bless me :]} 

14: Do i constantly dwell on the past?

Sadly, i really have to say yes. I have "someone" on my past that probably i have to call him "My first love" it was like 4 years ago when we first met and i still don't get over it. And the last time (For now) that i met him, it was like 2 years ago! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH WITH ALL I HAVE. Omg, i am insane because of him. This is totally weird...

15: Do i forgive myself?

Nah. thats it. I still can't do that and i think i won't. I always think i am the worst, i always do the wrong and i am a b##tard. I don't even know why i can say this, but once you feel it you will get it. {I am a weirdy-foolish}

16: Do i care about what others think about me?

Absolutely no. And i really hate it when people is judging me like i was the worst, the wrong one and always be the one who to blame; Only God can judge me. And whatever they think about me, they didn't know the real me, they didn't know what i've been through. And yeah, i'm still living my Goddamn life. You should know that.

17: Do i let other people's negativity affect me?

ABSOLUTELY NO! i don't mind about what others think. They just want to let me down, but i can give them pain. They should mind their own business; this is my life, not theirs. So stop mind my business and think about your own life!

Music.

1. What band has inspired you the most?
- I guess Passion Pit, Tame Impala, Adele, D-pryde has inspired me the most, the lyrics of their songs is powerful, wonderful, and ah-ma-zing. Their song can make me relax and get comfortable all the time. And the instrument is amazing! really love it, no words can describe how i feel about the instrument. It just amazing.

2:What/who got you into the music you listen to now?
- I can say Youtube and Billboard mostly and of course, movie soundtracks. It All started when my uncle post some electropop music to his profile on Facebook from Youtube. And i starts to searching music there, and random clicking on some music, and sometimes i found the music that i love :p

3:Is music a big part of your life?
- You have no idea how big it is. Music is a really really big part of my life.  I could say that music has really affect my life; music is my best-best friend. And really, i couldn't stop a music whenever i started listen to them. Music is my boyfriend. Music has always been there for me, sad, happy, whatever. 

4:What is your favorite music?
- Let's see uhm, Electropop, Indie pop, Indie Rock, Pop, Psychedelia pop, Alternative dance, etc. I can't describe it but if the instrument or the lyric of the songs is good, or i just love it; then i love the song. 

5:Who is your favorite musician/band?
- easy, Passion Pit, Tame Impala, Michael Buble, The Whitest Boy Alive, Simple Plan, Sean Paul, Boys Like Girls, Arctic Monkeys, The Temper Trap, Lana Del Rey. Etc. Ugh that is really really underrated by the way.

6:What song do you listen to when you’re sad?
- Lost by Michael Buble. This song has some kind of a personal memory for me, so it never fails to make me cry. Or maybe stuck in the moment with Justin Bieber because it's a great song.

But also i love to heard Adele's songs because it never fails too, to make me cry and make me over-thinking sometimes. (Don't judge)

7:What song do you listen to when you’re mad?
- any song by Breathe Carolina. It has some weird sense that could calm me down.

8:What song do you listen to when you’re pissed off?
- Take a Walk by Passion Pit. I can't explain why, i just love it; especially when i'm being pissed. Amd if you listen to the song you'll get it.

9:What is your favorite album? Why?
- My favorite album... i can't choose between Gossamer by Passion Pit or Innerspeakers by Tame Impala Or In Crazy Love by Michael Buble.

10:Who is the the most cute band member you know?
- Niall Horan from One Direction. He has some weird sense that could make me smile whenever i see him.

11:What band/ Musician has the best lyrics?
- COLDPLAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!! And i like Adele as well. But she & him has this really meanigful lyrics that makes me want to jump in a cup of joy!

12:How has music helped you?

- Music has helped me in a lot of ways. For example, it helped me through the toughest moment, it was like 2 years ago. And just by listening to it or playing it on an instrument made me feel better--which is totally somekind of amazing. lol.

October/Octobre.

Passion Pit - Constant Conversation

Tame Impala - Feels Like We Onl Go Backwards

Passion Pit - Cuddle Fuddle 

Peter, Bjorn, John - Young Folks

Tame Impala - Its Not Meant To Be

Lana Del Rey - Summertime Sadness

Homesick - Kings Of Convenience

Passion Pit - Take a Walk

The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition

Neon Trees - Everybody Talks

a buzzyy issue.

sup yo.

i don't know what actually happened to me, but i, was, so, in, love, with, gwen, stacy's, hair. SO! i decided to cut my hair.

and then days later, my father drove me to the salon. And then the very first things that i knew is i must have a courage to cut this beautiful long hair that i've grown since january 2011. repeat people, january. JANUARY 2011. okay jokes. That sound weird..... and i thought it was going to be great

.

AAAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDDDDD IT IS! i really really really love ma new hair! it looks like i was Selena Gomez's twin :D lol jokes. But really, i was so in love with my new hair.

nah that was the sexiest thing.

*****

enough with the hair issue. Now, buzzy issue. Yeah people, since the holiday is over. (okay it was like 2 months ago. i didn't realize it) its like the time is running faster. And lately my life is changed. I mean, the true real transformation. Transformation people, not transformer or transportation. And here are things that happened since last month :

• doesn't pay attention much at my teacher, you know... i've got a brain freeze
• made some new friends at my new class, which is fifty times worse than last year but fifty times better than last year....seriously.
• take a new extracurricular and i don't know if i probably got the skill or i was just lucky..... sad me.
• still not get over someone. Since 2010. repeat people, since 2010. IT'S BEEN 2 YEARS.
• got someone's heart broken
• not study enough because my brain can't stop thinking about someone special. I know this is weird rude and wicked. i'll try to stop doing this because this thing will bother me. Really.
• experienced brain freeze for the very first time in my life
• can't divide time. Really people, i just can't deal with it. A busy day roughly turn into a busy month. Seriously.

okay, point no. 4 is yes, as bad as it sounds. Sound as rude as it felt. I didn't know why i still love that guy. Wahaha that sounds so bad. Yeah it is. Actually, i don't understand what happened with my brain until i still thinking so much about him, even i don't know if....... for the very simple thing, i don't even know if he still thinking about me or not. (yeah, you probably know why i take the very simple thing.) Before i explain the tragedy, i might as well do this thing ...chronologically. Pause. I just typed a long and hard word and i don't even need to check if it's right or not (just in case). i don't want to got myself broken again, people. :]

so anyway~august was a pretty much fun month, i had lots of laugh going on and hopefully September will be as good as August was. Or better.

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andddddddddd thanks for all the readers! and this is my gift to you, because you have finished read this. i didn't give much...

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