What i should have said.

"i never told you, what i should have said. 
 no, i never told you. I just held it in. 
 And now...
I miss everything about you."
Yes, i really really feel lonely at the time. 

Dear YOU, i know we don't have much time. I don't mean literally, i mean you're out buying some ice cream and just have fun with your friends and you'll be home soon. But i have a feeling, that i should have said, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me, how you drive me nuts. You made me better, by standing here by my side whenever i'm sad, whenever i'm happy, whenever i need you. And for that, i am eternally grateful.... literally. If you can promise me one thing, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you will try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my Bestest best friend. I'm a woman with no regrets, how lucky am i to have you by my side? you made me, me. But i'm just one chapter in yours, There will be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. I love you and this feeling will never change for you, i know this probably much to late to said, but i mean it. I do really really hope that you'll be happy with or without me, just promise me you will always remember me, and remember that you (have been) mine. I know our relationship didn't last, but that doesn't mean the feeling have to fade away. And i know, that, sometimes when people grow, they are grow apart. But that doesn't mean love that once shared wasn't true and real. I believe in you, i believe in us. It just, feels like half of me just fade away, it feels like something is missing, something is gone. You are my permanent unfinished tattoo, and i will always remember ours. Thanks for the memories, thanks for the precious 6 months that you gave to me. And i know, we have to appreciate the simple things God has blessed you with. My prayers will always be with you, no matter what. 

Promise me you will be happy. 

P.S I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

yeap, i don't know how to show my feelings, it just.. feels.. half of me just gone. I never felt nothing in the world like this before.
It hurts, like hell. Really. 

Addiction

I got strange obsession with: Indie thing, Nature, Adventure, Ghost, Russia, Jewish and things like that. I am interested with Historical thing and Photography. Especially, nature.. i love nature, i think that is the most beautiful thing in the world. Every night i dream about being somewhere else, where there is only me, myself and i. with a beautiful forest animals, foliage, tall trees around me.. also, with indie music that fill me into the top of my calmness. A very perfect place to stay, very peaceful. And as time goes by, my obsession has gone wild! it turned into a violent monsters! (lol, this was just my imagination). I mean, my obsession has gone wild and increasingly growing! than i thought, it would be nice if i changed my strange obsession into actions, like, what was that for if i keep thinking about it without put it into actions? i'm sure it was one of our major problems too in this planet. I will chase my dreams, go somewhere else further,  and make it happen. I know, i might be too young to think about this far, but in case, i've already have a plan and conception for my future. You know? I'm too excited to go on my life with a higher level! But, yew, being a teenager doesn't  as easy as it seems. I want to travel the world, go on a trip with my friends, explore the forest with an amazing view all around the world. (yeah, there goes my wild side.)

once again, we're teenagers, we act what we want and we think about everything like our head won't exploded. We think too much and feel to little, but this is how teenagers goes and society gets more cruel everyday. Don't let others close enough to hurt you and let you down, keep your head up high and just believe in yourself. When you reached the highest level of your confidence, nothing can ever let you down. But the most important thing is.. stand in God's guidance, stay faithfully, and life positively! 

Walk with Faith, Life is always about ups and downs. You can't be on the top everyday so you won't be at the bottom everyday either. -Anonymous.

March

The Joy Formidiable - Endtapes

Carter Burwell - Bella's Lullaby

Imagine Dragons - Demons

Mumford & Sons - Ghost That We Knew

Bruno Mars - When I Was Your Man

Lana Del Rey - Body Electric

Lana Del Rey - Damn You

Imagine Dragons - Radioactive

Bring Me The Horizon - 15 Fathoms, Counting

Ed Sheeran - Give Me Love

March has gone so sadly-happy month this far. 

xx. 

Change the way you view life.

Okay, this must be the first post by me, in this new-happy-random-year. And, I know. I've been acting so crazy and out of mind, lately. I feel like i'm losing my mind. But then, i've spent so much time just with myself, and just think about my life, what will happen next, what should i do with my life, and what about my future. I can't just say 'i hate everything' or think i'm gonna kill everyone so i can get what i want. It just making situation more worst, and worst. I just realized, i have to adapt to it. I have to fix my life, adapt with the cruel society, stay strong and just let God do it in HIS way. I knew, God knows the best, he will never let me down, he always be there for me and he always do HIS best to me, and my life. Lately, i've been attack by the cruel society, i lost my sagacity, and i realized.. i forgot my creator.. God. And now i was awakened by my father, he told me everything. He teaches me everything. He teaches me how to live the lovely life, with God's love. He is the best father ever! i used to hate him.. always blame him with his own advice, but now, i've been think about it for a couple weeks, he was right. I was wrong. I have to grow up, change the way i see life. And i've found my inspirator... IT'S AUDREY HEPBURN!

Audrey came when i was having the darkness of life, so deeply. When i was almost leave all the good things thats shall be done by me. But i had a mini heart attack when i finally realized that Audrey has passed away a couple years ago :( it makes me so sad so badly. But it doesn't matter. She is a legend, ppl! she might be gone, but her effort will never ever ever gone! just like Marilyn Monroe and the others does.

I like her, her effort especially. Audrey has changed the way i see things, too. She made me feel 'asdfghjkl'! i can't describe it. She made me, and my life better than before. She is perfectonist. (I'm not blow it up, but this is the fact; don't get mad)

And this was the biggest. The biggest effort that she made to me. 'because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself' . She realized a lot of things, that never occurred to me. Probably, never passing through my mind.

And the most importantly was....

And, thats all, peeeeeeeople! (: xoxo.

Something i've learned about life. Like, really!

Well, i've been through so much things in this year. And, there is something that has been changed my mind since that night. (wait, what.)

Okay, do you ever feel like you're alone in a crowded room? yes. (this is getting serious.)

I don't know what was actually happened to me. But, suddenly, these unpredictable things came into my mind... and i guess, it has changed my whole way of thinking, of life. (nah, nah)
and this is what i thought yesterday...

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. 

So, love the people who treat you right. And forget about the ones who don't.

Try to learn to don't give a sh!t of what will people think about you.

Also, try to learn to don't give a fvvck of "what if's".

Really, it's better to have a life of  "oh wells" than to have a life of "what if's"

And believe, that everything happens for a reason.. even it was bad, or good.

If you get a chance -  take it. 

If it changes you life - let it.

Nobody said that it would be easy.....

So, you just have to keep you head up high, and let God do His best."

Yep, that's all. And this is my advice -- so, i hope this will be worth it, for you. :] 

Cheeeezzzeey! xoxo.

Прощай ноября, привет декабря.

So, i guess everyone have been so excited for Christmas! me too. Of course.
I've been getting so much trouble and bad things lately, but i still be grateful to God because he still give me chance to live this life and also, i knew he is planning for the best to me. I promise i will be more happier and be more thankful to God.. because, December was the month of joy, happiness, and to finish what you started. My favorite month, and, i guess, everyone's in. oho.

And well, i don't want much things in December. Actually, i just want my life to get soooooo much better than before and, (do not) being such a pyscho (again). JEEZ! but, really. I don't want to get so over but i mean in this case is.. i don't want to cry for no reason anymore, suicide season (wait,what.)... hurt myself and blaming myself because other's people mistakes.. and taught why not i just kill myself, so this fvvckin situation could dissapear? and i'm just like, "Depression isn't an act, eating disorders aren't a phases, suicide isn't a coward's escape, self-harming is not a cry for attention. Stop acting like you know everything. The truth is, you don't know sh!t." (Do i get bonus points if i act like i care?) jeez.
I know. It's all about my fault.. over-thinking. This mind has ruined my life so deep. ftw.

And yeah, the point is.. in this lovely month, i just have to be relax and not get over thinking anymore. I had to try to enjoy my life and do not give a sh!t of what will other people think about me. Because, i knew... in the end, all of this bulls just like a flavour of sense to add more colors in my life. And i should be so grateful to God, because i know he gave me this situation, because he wants to teach me how to learn from my mistakes, and, he wants to give me strength for preparation to lead this cruel life. This is just a lessons, and, also... this was just the beginning of life.
God bless me always. ☮ ‏

November/Novembre

Lana Del Rey - Video Games

M83 - Too Late

The Polar Dream - Endless Tales

Daughter - Love

Home - Foxes

All Those Friendly People - Funeral Suits

Youth - Daughter 

Solèy - Kill The Clown

Solèy - Pretty Face

Sia - Breathe