suitcase of relax

Soooo i just had been dating with someone; one of my lucky classmates. Yeah, you can call him Boobear, i know it isn't his real name but i don't know why every single person in my class says that he is the cloning of Louis William Tomlinson from 1D (lol) this just getting serious, i mean it just because he has the same nickname with that 1D's personnel, (louis). 

Okay, let just skip that cheezy part. You could say that our relationship is very controversial because.. you know, i'm from the tribe of batak. Yeah, so, even if you had the different family name with that person (whose batak too) if you're not lucky, you could still have cognation with that person. Like me, My family name is Tambunan, but my boyf is Silalahi. But we still have a strong cognation, it's like.. we have different family name but we have the same great-grandparents. So we know that our relationship won't work. We know that in the end, we have to broke up. We knew that our relationship is temporary and i knew it too that i hate temporary things. But that's not what i want to talk about....

I mean, i knew it from the start that my relationship with him won't last long. But i love him, he stole my heart in a blink of an eye (meeh, this is very dramatic). Yea, but i made me believe that love, is love. Love makes me believe that when you love someone, things like height, weight, intensity of good-looking-face, even your own tribe, doesn't important anymore.. you don't need that and it isn't worth it to talk about. I mean, love is love. When you love someone, you just love him/her. You'll love him/her sincerely, give your heart to them even you know they'll broke it sooner or later. Then i believe love is blind, because you can't see it but you can feel it. And love makes you to not care about things like i've said before. I knew that my relationship won't last but.. yea i could say it's temporary and i hate temporary things. But sometimes.. i understand it myself, sometimes.. rule has made to be broken. And i had my new rule: enjoy the little things. Sometimes, the little things means a lot. 

Live in the moment, enjoy every single moment of your life even if it's temporary or eternal. Because i learned that every moment you spent with sadness, you wasted your happiness. Make your own happiness, life is complicated so don't make it more complicated. Make it simple.. so here's my tip when you're sad/mad/depressed or things like that = 

1. Wash your face with warm water and soap, as much as you like.

2. Eat your favorite food, eat A LOT.

3. Play cheerful songs, dance like no one watch you.

4. Stay calm, keep your mind thinking with "Oh the joys of not giving a shit"

5. Watch your favorite movies so many times

6. Go showering, as long as possible, play with soap's bubble

7. If it's necessary, scream as loud as you can. Or, just run around your house or everywhere you want.

8. Don't forget to diet because you just ate a lot of food

9. The very important thing to do: Pray.

yea, that is my advice. You can do it or not, it's your own. But i think the most important thing to do is.. Pray. Just pray and you'll feel patient, relax, and you know everything's gonna be alright. No judge, i'm not fanatic but that's what i do when i feel down. 

Blue April.

Like We Used To - A Rocket To The Moon 

Alive - Krewella

Chasing Pavements - Adele

Don't Speak - Glee (cover)

Isn't She Lovely - Stevie Wonder

Six Degrees of Seperation - The Script

Just Give Me a Reason - PINK

Try - PINK

Begin Again - Taylor Swift

Let Me Love You - Glee (cover)

What i should have said.

"i never told you, what i should have said. 
 no, i never told you. I just held it in. 
 And now...
I miss everything about you."
Yes, i really really feel lonely at the time. 

Dear YOU, i know we don't have much time. I don't mean literally, i mean you're out buying some ice cream and just have fun with your friends and you'll be home soon. But i have a feeling, that i should have said, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me, how you drive me nuts. You made me better, by standing here by my side whenever i'm sad, whenever i'm happy, whenever i need you. And for that, i am eternally grateful.... literally. If you can promise me one thing, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you will try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my Bestest best friend. I'm a woman with no regrets, how lucky am i to have you by my side? you made me, me. But i'm just one chapter in yours, There will be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. I love you and this feeling will never change for you, i know this probably much to late to said, but i mean it. I do really really hope that you'll be happy with or without me, just promise me you will always remember me, and remember that you (have been) mine. I know our relationship didn't last, but that doesn't mean the feeling have to fade away. And i know, that, sometimes when people grow, they are grow apart. But that doesn't mean love that once shared wasn't true and real. I believe in you, i believe in us. It just, feels like half of me just fade away, it feels like something is missing, something is gone. You are my permanent unfinished tattoo, and i will always remember ours. Thanks for the memories, thanks for the precious 6 months that you gave to me. And i know, we have to appreciate the simple things God has blessed you with. My prayers will always be with you, no matter what. 

Promise me you will be happy. 

P.S I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

yeap, i don't know how to show my feelings, it just.. feels.. half of me just gone. I never felt nothing in the world like this before.
It hurts, like hell. Really. 

Addiction

I got strange obsession with: Indie thing, Nature, Adventure, Ghost, Russia, Jewish and things like that. I am interested with Historical thing and Photography. Especially, nature.. i love nature, i think that is the most beautiful thing in the world. Every night i dream about being somewhere else, where there is only me, myself and i. with a beautiful forest animals, foliage, tall trees around me.. also, with indie music that fill me into the top of my calmness. A very perfect place to stay, very peaceful. And as time goes by, my obsession has gone wild! it turned into a violent monsters! (lol, this was just my imagination). I mean, my obsession has gone wild and increasingly growing! than i thought, it would be nice if i changed my strange obsession into actions, like, what was that for if i keep thinking about it without put it into actions? i'm sure it was one of our major problems too in this planet. I will chase my dreams, go somewhere else further,  and make it happen. I know, i might be too young to think about this far, but in case, i've already have a plan and conception for my future. You know? I'm too excited to go on my life with a higher level! But, yew, being a teenager doesn't  as easy as it seems. I want to travel the world, go on a trip with my friends, explore the forest with an amazing view all around the world. (yeah, there goes my wild side.)

once again, we're teenagers, we act what we want and we think about everything like our head won't exploded. We think too much and feel to little, but this is how teenagers goes and society gets more cruel everyday. Don't let others close enough to hurt you and let you down, keep your head up high and just believe in yourself. When you reached the highest level of your confidence, nothing can ever let you down. But the most important thing is.. stand in God's guidance, stay faithfully, and life positively! 

Walk with Faith, Life is always about ups and downs. You can't be on the top everyday so you won't be at the bottom everyday either. -Anonymous.

March

The Joy Formidiable - Endtapes

Carter Burwell - Bella's Lullaby

Imagine Dragons - Demons

Mumford & Sons - Ghost That We Knew

Bruno Mars - When I Was Your Man

Lana Del Rey - Body Electric

Lana Del Rey - Damn You

Imagine Dragons - Radioactive

Bring Me The Horizon - 15 Fathoms, Counting

Ed Sheeran - Give Me Love

March has gone so sadly-happy month this far. 

xx. 

Change the way you view life.

Okay, this must be the first post by me, in this new-happy-random-year. And, I know. I've been acting so crazy and out of mind, lately. I feel like i'm losing my mind. But then, i've spent so much time just with myself, and just think about my life, what will happen next, what should i do with my life, and what about my future. I can't just say 'i hate everything' or think i'm gonna kill everyone so i can get what i want. It just making situation more worst, and worst. I just realized, i have to adapt to it. I have to fix my life, adapt with the cruel society, stay strong and just let God do it in HIS way. I knew, God knows the best, he will never let me down, he always be there for me and he always do HIS best to me, and my life. Lately, i've been attack by the cruel society, i lost my sagacity, and i realized.. i forgot my creator.. God. And now i was awakened by my father, he told me everything. He teaches me everything. He teaches me how to live the lovely life, with God's love. He is the best father ever! i used to hate him.. always blame him with his own advice, but now, i've been think about it for a couple weeks, he was right. I was wrong. I have to grow up, change the way i see life. And i've found my inspirator... IT'S AUDREY HEPBURN!

Audrey came when i was having the darkness of life, so deeply. When i was almost leave all the good things thats shall be done by me. But i had a mini heart attack when i finally realized that Audrey has passed away a couple years ago :( it makes me so sad so badly. But it doesn't matter. She is a legend, ppl! she might be gone, but her effort will never ever ever gone! just like Marilyn Monroe and the others does.

I like her, her effort especially. Audrey has changed the way i see things, too. She made me feel 'asdfghjkl'! i can't describe it. She made me, and my life better than before. She is perfectonist. (I'm not blow it up, but this is the fact; don't get mad)

And this was the biggest. The biggest effort that she made to me. 'because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself' . She realized a lot of things, that never occurred to me. Probably, never passing through my mind.

And the most importantly was....

And, thats all, peeeeeeeople! (: xoxo.

Something i've learned about life. Like, really!

Well, i've been through so much things in this year. And, there is something that has been changed my mind since that night. (wait, what.)

Okay, do you ever feel like you're alone in a crowded room? yes. (this is getting serious.)

I don't know what was actually happened to me. But, suddenly, these unpredictable things came into my mind... and i guess, it has changed my whole way of thinking, of life. (nah, nah)
and this is what i thought yesterday...

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. 

So, love the people who treat you right. And forget about the ones who don't.

Try to learn to don't give a sh!t of what will people think about you.

Also, try to learn to don't give a fvvck of "what if's".

Really, it's better to have a life of  "oh wells" than to have a life of "what if's"

And believe, that everything happens for a reason.. even it was bad, or good.

If you get a chance -  take it. 

If it changes you life - let it.

Nobody said that it would be easy.....

So, you just have to keep you head up high, and let God do His best."

Yep, that's all. And this is my advice -- so, i hope this will be worth it, for you. :] 

Cheeeezzzeey! xoxo.