May. maybe yes, maybe no..

GUESS WHO'S BACK FROM THE DEAD?!!?!?!!? ok.

So, I just finished my final exams in Junior High School which is means that I've completed school for being a junior high student lol. And now I'm surely 50% ready to go to Senior High School

Actually, I will move to a new school.. in a new town, new kids, new association, etc. And it got me nervous, it's like I have to change everything too and I'll be new me. I will meet new people, I had to adapt again.. and it's not that easy.

I don't know how I feel, excited, happy, nervous, sad, confuse all at the same time. And my thoughts are drowning with "what ifs?" what if I won't make new friends? what if my new friends won't like me? what if I cant adapt into this place? what if I fail? it's driving me crazy. seriously.

And the only thing that keeps me going is.. my dream. Like Joyce Chapman says, “If your dream is a big dream, and if you want your life to work on the high levelthat you say you do, there's no way around doing the work it takes to get you there.” 

I really love travelling, I'm in love with nature. You have no idea how much a tree and a wind could make my heart beats faster.. oohh i really love landscape. I do interesting in a political view too, arts, humanities, peace-thingy, that's all my thing. 

And my dream country is.. Amuuurrricaaa! HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE AMERICA?? you tell me. This country has it all, their human resources, the landscape they had, their fashion thing, times square, New York City, Seattle, UCLA, Oxford, Mc Donald's, american horror story, kardashian's family, Hollywood, LA, Hawaii, can you tell me just one thing to stop me being in love with all of this? no.

And also, Germany. Like, Oh my God, this country has the best historical buildings, Berlin's wall, Adolf Hitler, their military, NAZI, their interesting law, Frankfurt, Munich, Einstein, Beethoven, The Brothers Grimm, their philosophy and literature, it's.. beautiful. 

Untaian rasa seorang pelajar yang hanya ingin dimengerti. #serius (bagian 1)

Cintaku padamu, seperti pohon beringin.
Yang tidak pernah berhenti tumbuh,
Tumbuh membesar,
dan tidak akan mati.

Cintaku padamu, seperti udara.
Terus menghembuskan kesegaran,
Membuat kita tetap hidup didalamnya,
dan bertahan.

Cintaku padamu,
Seperti minyak yang jatuh ke tanah.
Seberapa banyak air yang menyiraminya,
Untuk memudarkannya,
Tetapi partikelnyapun tetap tertinggal,
Berbekas.
Tanpa jejak.

Cintaku padamu, seperti logam.
Ia tahan terhadap berbagai cuaca,
Namun ia akan meleleh,
Jika terkena panas api cintamu.

Cintaku padamu, tulus mengalir.
Seperti air dibumi,
Takkan berhenti hadir,
Melengkapi tiap sudut disanubari.

Kau datang secara tiba-tiba, tanpa mengetuk pintu hatiku. Kau berhasil masuk, menetap didalamnya, lalu menaburkan benih cintamu dihatiku. Kaupun meninggalkannya tumbuh, dengan cepat, menjadi besar. Lalu, kau meninggalkannya begitu saja, sampai mati.. bersamaku. Menyisihkan sejuta ukiran rasa, yang tak terselesaikan.. meninggalkanku tuk menyelesaikannya sendiri.

Membran Selektif Parmeabel (Akibat UKK IPA yang super susah)

Kekasihku...

Hari ini aku telah menyelesaikan ujian hari ke-3ku.

Ternyata hukum ke-3 Newton memang berpengaruh

Pada hati, dan pikiranku saat mengerjakan soal.

Aksi-reaksi negatif, yang membuat dua jiwa berbeda

Memiliki besar yang sama, namun berbeda arah.

Sudah begitu banyak usaha, gaya, energi, dan daya

Yang telah kita kalkulasi selama ini.

Entah itu searah, membentuk sudut atau bahkan berlawanan arah.

Kita berhasil melawan kesesatan inersia,

Dan memproteksi cinta kita dengan mempertahankan equilibrium.

Aku tidak perduli apa kata Blaise Pascal dan Isaac Newton

Yang mendesign gaya dan tekanan cinta kita.

Biarlah kita yang memberi usaha pada struktur cinta kita sendiri

Asalkan tekanan cinta kita seoptimal 2x10^16 N/m2

Dan serendah rendahnya 10^18 N/m2

Sayangku...

Aku akan terus mentransfer panas asmara kita.

Tak peduli apakah itu secara konduksi, konveksi atau radiasi.

Tak peduli apakah itu melalui gelombang transversal atau longitudinal

Melalui gelombang elektromagnetik atau mekanik.

Aku akan terus mencari medium,

Untuk kelangsungan merambatnya asmara kita

Dan melewati setiap ruang hampa,

Dengan hukum archimedes, hukum snellius, hukum pascal atau bahkan,

Hukum newton.

Maafkan aku, jika resonasi cintaku belum begitu kuat.

Maafkan aku, bila cintaku masih berupa gelombang mekanik,

Dan belum menemukan Medium yang pas,

Untuk perambatan cinta kita.

Maafkan aku, bila tekanan cintaku belum seideal hukum newton,

Maaf aku, bila usaha, gaya dan energi cintaku

Belum memenuhi syarat hukum konservasi mekanik.

Tetapi aku akan terus memberi konsentrasi osmosis,

Pada konsentrasi cinta kita

Semoga dengan begitu,

Cinta kita akan menjadi Membran selektif parmeabel,

Agar cinta kita dapat bertahan lebih lama.

Aku menyayangimu seperti ketergantungan,

Antara gelombang mekanik dengan mediumnya

Salam sejahtera, 

Dari seorang pelajar berumur 14 tahun, duduk dibangku SMP, 
terlalu terpengaruh inersia dalam belajar. 

suitcase of relax

Soooo i just had been dating with someone; one of my lucky classmates. Yeah, you can call him Boobear, i know it isn't his real name but i don't know why every single person in my class says that he is the cloning of Louis William Tomlinson from 1D (lol) this just getting serious, i mean it just because he has the same nickname with that 1D's personnel, (louis). 

Okay, let just skip that cheezy part. You could say that our relationship is very controversial because.. you know, i'm from the tribe of batak. Yeah, so, even if you had the different family name with that person (whose batak too) if you're not lucky, you could still have cognation with that person. Like me, My family name is Tambunan, but my boyf is Silalahi. But we still have a strong cognation, it's like.. we have different family name but we have the same great-grandparents. So we know that our relationship won't work. We know that in the end, we have to broke up. We knew that our relationship is temporary and i knew it too that i hate temporary things. But that's not what i want to talk about....

I mean, i knew it from the start that my relationship with him won't last long. But i love him, he stole my heart in a blink of an eye (meeh, this is very dramatic). Yea, but i made me believe that love, is love. Love makes me believe that when you love someone, things like height, weight, intensity of good-looking-face, even your own tribe, doesn't important anymore.. you don't need that and it isn't worth it to talk about. I mean, love is love. When you love someone, you just love him/her. You'll love him/her sincerely, give your heart to them even you know they'll broke it sooner or later. Then i believe love is blind, because you can't see it but you can feel it. And love makes you to not care about things like i've said before. I knew that my relationship won't last but.. yea i could say it's temporary and i hate temporary things. But sometimes.. i understand it myself, sometimes.. rule has made to be broken. And i had my new rule: enjoy the little things. Sometimes, the little things means a lot. 

Live in the moment, enjoy every single moment of your life even if it's temporary or eternal. Because i learned that every moment you spent with sadness, you wasted your happiness. Make your own happiness, life is complicated so don't make it more complicated. Make it simple.. so here's my tip when you're sad/mad/depressed or things like that = 

1. Wash your face with warm water and soap, as much as you like.

2. Eat your favorite food, eat A LOT.

3. Play cheerful songs, dance like no one watch you.

4. Stay calm, keep your mind thinking with "Oh the joys of not giving a shit"

5. Watch your favorite movies so many times

6. Go showering, as long as possible, play with soap's bubble

7. If it's necessary, scream as loud as you can. Or, just run around your house or everywhere you want.

8. Don't forget to diet because you just ate a lot of food

9. The very important thing to do: Pray.

yea, that is my advice. You can do it or not, it's your own. But i think the most important thing to do is.. Pray. Just pray and you'll feel patient, relax, and you know everything's gonna be alright. No judge, i'm not fanatic but that's what i do when i feel down. 

Blue April.

Like We Used To - A Rocket To The Moon 

Alive - Krewella

Chasing Pavements - Adele

Don't Speak - Glee (cover)

Isn't She Lovely - Stevie Wonder

Six Degrees of Seperation - The Script

Just Give Me a Reason - PINK

Try - PINK

Begin Again - Taylor Swift

Let Me Love You - Glee (cover)

What i should have said.

"i never told you, what i should have said. 
 no, i never told you. I just held it in. 
 And now...
I miss everything about you."
Yes, i really really feel lonely at the time. 

Dear YOU, i know we don't have much time. I don't mean literally, i mean you're out buying some ice cream and just have fun with your friends and you'll be home soon. But i have a feeling, that i should have said, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me, how you drive me nuts. You made me better, by standing here by my side whenever i'm sad, whenever i'm happy, whenever i need you. And for that, i am eternally grateful.... literally. If you can promise me one thing, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you will try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my Bestest best friend. I'm a woman with no regrets, how lucky am i to have you by my side? you made me, me. But i'm just one chapter in yours, There will be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. I love you and this feeling will never change for you, i know this probably much to late to said, but i mean it. I do really really hope that you'll be happy with or without me, just promise me you will always remember me, and remember that you (have been) mine. I know our relationship didn't last, but that doesn't mean the feeling have to fade away. And i know, that, sometimes when people grow, they are grow apart. But that doesn't mean love that once shared wasn't true and real. I believe in you, i believe in us. It just, feels like half of me just fade away, it feels like something is missing, something is gone. You are my permanent unfinished tattoo, and i will always remember ours. Thanks for the memories, thanks for the precious 6 months that you gave to me. And i know, we have to appreciate the simple things God has blessed you with. My prayers will always be with you, no matter what. 

Promise me you will be happy. 

P.S I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU.

yeap, i don't know how to show my feelings, it just.. feels.. half of me just gone. I never felt nothing in the world like this before.
It hurts, like hell. Really. 

Addiction

I got strange obsession with: Indie thing, Nature, Adventure, Ghost, Russia, Jewish and things like that. I am interested with Historical thing and Photography. Especially, nature.. i love nature, i think that is the most beautiful thing in the world. Every night i dream about being somewhere else, where there is only me, myself and i. with a beautiful forest animals, foliage, tall trees around me.. also, with indie music that fill me into the top of my calmness. A very perfect place to stay, very peaceful. And as time goes by, my obsession has gone wild! it turned into a violent monsters! (lol, this was just my imagination). I mean, my obsession has gone wild and increasingly growing! than i thought, it would be nice if i changed my strange obsession into actions, like, what was that for if i keep thinking about it without put it into actions? i'm sure it was one of our major problems too in this planet. I will chase my dreams, go somewhere else further,  and make it happen. I know, i might be too young to think about this far, but in case, i've already have a plan and conception for my future. You know? I'm too excited to go on my life with a higher level! But, yew, being a teenager doesn't  as easy as it seems. I want to travel the world, go on a trip with my friends, explore the forest with an amazing view all around the world. (yeah, there goes my wild side.)

once again, we're teenagers, we act what we want and we think about everything like our head won't exploded. We think too much and feel to little, but this is how teenagers goes and society gets more cruel everyday. Don't let others close enough to hurt you and let you down, keep your head up high and just believe in yourself. When you reached the highest level of your confidence, nothing can ever let you down. But the most important thing is.. stand in God's guidance, stay faithfully, and life positively! 

Walk with Faith, Life is always about ups and downs. You can't be on the top everyday so you won't be at the bottom everyday either. -Anonymous.

March

The Joy Formidiable - Endtapes

Carter Burwell - Bella's Lullaby

Imagine Dragons - Demons

Mumford & Sons - Ghost That We Knew

Bruno Mars - When I Was Your Man

Lana Del Rey - Body Electric

Lana Del Rey - Damn You

Imagine Dragons - Radioactive

Bring Me The Horizon - 15 Fathoms, Counting

Ed Sheeran - Give Me Love

March has gone so sadly-happy month this far. 

xx. 

Change the way you view life.

Okay, this must be the first post by me, in this new-happy-random-year. And, I know. I've been acting so crazy and out of mind, lately. I feel like i'm losing my mind. But then, i've spent so much time just with myself, and just think about my life, what will happen next, what should i do with my life, and what about my future. I can't just say 'i hate everything' or think i'm gonna kill everyone so i can get what i want. It just making situation more worst, and worst. I just realized, i have to adapt to it. I have to fix my life, adapt with the cruel society, stay strong and just let God do it in HIS way. I knew, God knows the best, he will never let me down, he always be there for me and he always do HIS best to me, and my life. Lately, i've been attack by the cruel society, i lost my sagacity, and i realized.. i forgot my creator.. God. And now i was awakened by my father, he told me everything. He teaches me everything. He teaches me how to live the lovely life, with God's love. He is the best father ever! i used to hate him.. always blame him with his own advice, but now, i've been think about it for a couple weeks, he was right. I was wrong. I have to grow up, change the way i see life. And i've found my inspirator... IT'S AUDREY HEPBURN!

Audrey came when i was having the darkness of life, so deeply. When i was almost leave all the good things thats shall be done by me. But i had a mini heart attack when i finally realized that Audrey has passed away a couple years ago :( it makes me so sad so badly. But it doesn't matter. She is a legend, ppl! she might be gone, but her effort will never ever ever gone! just like Marilyn Monroe and the others does.

I like her, her effort especially. Audrey has changed the way i see things, too. She made me feel 'asdfghjkl'! i can't describe it. She made me, and my life better than before. She is perfectonist. (I'm not blow it up, but this is the fact; don't get mad)

And this was the biggest. The biggest effort that she made to me. 'because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself' . She realized a lot of things, that never occurred to me. Probably, never passing through my mind.

And the most importantly was....

And, thats all, peeeeeeeople! (: xoxo.

Something i've learned about life. Like, really!

Well, i've been through so much things in this year. And, there is something that has been changed my mind since that night. (wait, what.)

Okay, do you ever feel like you're alone in a crowded room? yes. (this is getting serious.)

I don't know what was actually happened to me. But, suddenly, these unpredictable things came into my mind... and i guess, it has changed my whole way of thinking, of life. (nah, nah)
and this is what i thought yesterday...

"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. 

So, love the people who treat you right. And forget about the ones who don't.

Try to learn to don't give a sh!t of what will people think about you.

Also, try to learn to don't give a fvvck of "what if's".

Really, it's better to have a life of  "oh wells" than to have a life of "what if's"

And believe, that everything happens for a reason.. even it was bad, or good.

If you get a chance -  take it. 

If it changes you life - let it.

Nobody said that it would be easy.....

So, you just have to keep you head up high, and let God do His best."

Yep, that's all. And this is my advice -- so, i hope this will be worth it, for you. :] 

Cheeeezzzeey! xoxo.

Прощай ноября, привет декабря.

So, i guess everyone have been so excited for Christmas! me too. Of course.
I've been getting so much trouble and bad things lately, but i still be grateful to God because he still give me chance to live this life and also, i knew he is planning for the best to me. I promise i will be more happier and be more thankful to God.. because, December was the month of joy, happiness, and to finish what you started. My favorite month, and, i guess, everyone's in. oho.

And well, i don't want much things in December. Actually, i just want my life to get soooooo much better than before and, (do not) being such a pyscho (again). JEEZ! but, really. I don't want to get so over but i mean in this case is.. i don't want to cry for no reason anymore, suicide season (wait,what.)... hurt myself and blaming myself because other's people mistakes.. and taught why not i just kill myself, so this fvvckin situation could dissapear? and i'm just like, "Depression isn't an act, eating disorders aren't a phases, suicide isn't a coward's escape, self-harming is not a cry for attention. Stop acting like you know everything. The truth is, you don't know sh!t." (Do i get bonus points if i act like i care?) jeez.
I know. It's all about my fault.. over-thinking. This mind has ruined my life so deep. ftw.

And yeah, the point is.. in this lovely month, i just have to be relax and not get over thinking anymore. I had to try to enjoy my life and do not give a sh!t of what will other people think about me. Because, i knew... in the end, all of this bulls just like a flavour of sense to add more colors in my life. And i should be so grateful to God, because i know he gave me this situation, because he wants to teach me how to learn from my mistakes, and, he wants to give me strength for preparation to lead this cruel life. This is just a lessons, and, also... this was just the beginning of life.
God bless me always. ☮ ‏

November/Novembre

Lana Del Rey - Video Games

M83 - Too Late

The Polar Dream - Endless Tales

Daughter - Love

Home - Foxes

All Those Friendly People - Funeral Suits

Youth - Daughter 

Solèy - Kill The Clown

Solèy - Pretty Face

Sia - Breathe

Gonna be okay. Just take a deep breathe.

Today, i have a lots of taught even i can't face it. But honestly today was as boring as my previous days. Yeah, my daily routine. Wakes up in the morning, laziness on top, school, lessons, shit days. I've been through it all over again. But then i taught, "Why don't you make your own happiness?" That was the final thing. I've been through my daily boring day all over again and nothing has changed. So, i decided to opened my notes on my handphone and made list of things that would make me happy. The first thing that popped into my mind was the song called Young, Wild, and Free by Wiz Khalifa ft. Snoop Dogg and Bruno Mars, those are my favorite musician. This song never fails to amuse me, and also Boys Like Girls's The Great Escape. The next thing that makes me happy is when my bestfriend sent me some cute text and that was made my day! my bestfriend is the best, she could make me smile even when i don't want to, she's my moodbooster. The next thing might sound a lil bit crazy,  i like to modus with my senior in my high school. Maybe some of you don't understand what is the meaning of modus, it's some kind of insane-thing that would make you happy for no reason :p yeah but sadly modus  is  only exist in my lovely country.. Indonesia. Indonesian's ppl, especially Teenagers is love to modus or even being modus. For us, it has some weird sense that could light up all of sadness or galau people hahahaha lol.  And the last thing that makes me happy is eat. Especially is eats chocolate, i feel so free and i don't know... it tastes good. 

See? After all, today wasn't that bad. In fact, everything isn't that bad after all. Whenever you feel like there's nothing you can do to fight all the problems ...just look on the bright side. I usually to don't give a fuck of what people would think about me, this is my life and you have nothing to do about it. Go fuck yourself and go make your own happiness. 

If you believe in who you are, who you were always meant to be, if you open up your heart, then you'll set your spirit free. –Disney Fairies

you make me want to punch myself in the face.

Today was a boring day. It was bad in any way possible. I didn't exactly know why, but everything seemed really annoying. It's like, i want to eat all the people in this planet. It all started since i woke up this morning, i just didn't feel like doing anything. Not only today -- these past few weeks i've been getting very moody. And yeah, honestly, i'm not getting over him yet since 2 years ago. I know it takes a very long time, but.. Wanting him is hard to forget, loving him is hard to regret, losing him is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt I've felt, letting go is the most painful yet. For a few minutes you made me feel as though I actually meant something to someone. It sucks when someone made you feel special yesterday, and then leaves you hanging without a goodbye and makes you feel like you're nothing to him.  I don't know which I would rather believe... that you never did care or that you eventually stopped. Where have you been, babe? did you forget to bring back my heart? you stole my heart and won't give it back to me. You have done teached me how to love you, but you forget to teach me how to forget you. You did hurt my heart, i don't know how many times. But i still love you, you make me feel like, I’ve been locked out of heaven... for too long. I never had much faith in love or miracles, and i never wanna put my heart on deny. But swimming in your world is something spiritual, i can't stop it. I love you more than you deserve, why am i such a fool? nothing feels right anymore. But, you know, You can erase someone from your mind, but getting them out of your heart is another story. And now i realise, every tears that i take, every sadness that i felt, even all of my sacrifice that i did for you, is not worth it anymore. My love grows like a dangerous disease. I swear it was the worst. They say that the world was built for two, only worth living if somebody is loving you. But i can't force you to love me, maybe it's true that i've been disappointed because we can't be together. But what can i do? Is it wrong to put all our hopes together and wish for something better? We are all connected to each other in a circle, in a hoop that never ends. But On this journey that you’re making, there’ll be answers that you’ll see. I won't give up. That's one thing I swear will be true, because I can't forget about my heart and how it felt to fall for you right from the start. When I look at you, I feel like we were made for each other but i knew, in the end, all it takes is faith and trust. The very things that held you down are gonna carry you up and up and up, i swear. But we all knew that the only thing predictable about life is its unpredictability, anything can happen if you let it. Sometimes things are difficult, but you can bet it doesn't have to be some. Hope for a miracle, that's all we can do. And don't worry, If the time comes, you'll know what to do. 

And now, i think i know what to do -- from now on, i should just take a deep breathe and let go. That's the best thing i could do. Maybe our memory will stay in my heart forever, but i choose to be happy. And i think, i could just make my own happiness. People change everyday till they find their own way, so can i. and mostly, people changes because pain. So, this is my advice -- if you won't let the person you love change, don't let them feel the pain. And once again, thanks for the memories. I'm glad you've been succeed for making me love you. Je t'aime, au revoir.

13

1.:Am I Nice? 

I don't really think that im a nice person but i'm pretty much sure that i'm not a cruella-devil....haha. lol that is a joke. But, usually my attitude is based on how you treat me. I don't care if you white, black, skinny, fat, tall, short or etc. If you nice to me, i'll be nice to you too. As simple as that. 

2:Am I doing what i really want to do?

Yes. I really hate it when others is tell me what to do. God, this is my life, not yours! mind your own business. Even when my dad, my mom or my brother tell me what to do; sometimes i don't do it because i won't and maybe i have another reasons. Yes, i'm a stubborn person. {Don't judge me, Only God can judge me}

3:What am i grateful for?

I am grateful for all i have. I am grateful of what God do to my life. Even when i'm sad, having a hard times, got a broken heart, mad or anything else that can makes me feel like 'i-don't-want-to-live-in-this-planet-anymore' I'm still grateful of what God do to my life, there must be a meaning of every moment 

that i've been through. God knows the best for me. 

4: Do i work hard?

Hahaha! that must be something that have a strong sense (For me). I think, until this time i never work hard, probably i've been really disappointed my parents, or even my family. I have no idea of what i did to my life. 

5:What do i need to change about myself?

Omg, that is a lot more than you can think. I'm stubborn, selfish, easily get angry, there's so much vice that i had in my personality. But honestly, i want to live a life in a new perspective. really.

6:Have i hurt others?

YEEEESSS! i feel really sorry for that. I've been hurting a lot of people.  And sometimes, i really don't mind about feeling of others. Maybe i was a b##tard, i think so. 

7:What is my biggest fear?

My biggest fear? it was absolutely dark. I mean, the real darkness. This world is full of crime, rape, stealing, fierce competition, LIES. Really... i can't even describe it. I have a weird sense of thinking; but this is my life, my world. 

8:What am i ashamed of?

honestly, i ashamed of my life; i have so much misery. But i usually force to fake a smile, a laugh because sometimes I don't want others know when i'm in pain, in hard times, or else. I am afraid to give my expression to others. People say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but the truth is; what doesn't kill you messed you up mentally; you better recognize what is real. And i've learned the hard way. 

9:What is the most foolish thing i've ever done?

I do stupid things everyday, i think. So i guess this far i've never done the most foolish thing because stupid things is became my habit now; especially when i get comfortable with someone. {i'm a teenager. So, what's the matter?}

10: Where is the place you would love to visit? 

AAAAAAAAAH! I WANT TO ROVING THE EUROPE! ESPECIALLY PAAAARIS! You know, paris is the most beautiful place in da world. {For me, i think} Roma, Belgium, Denmark, Italy, Germany and a lot more of lovely place! someday, i would love to be able live in one of those lovely place!

11: What am i most proud of?

I am proud of me. I am proud to just being myself and to enjoy the whole world with the people i love. As simple as that. Happiness, joyful, grateful. I'd rather to play in a sand with my family and being an idiot with my cousins writing some weird name in a sand than to have all stuf that i wanted but being alone or falling apart with the people i love. I don't want to lose them!

12: What was the toughest time in my life?

i guess it was when my parents threatened by divorce. Really, i am so depressed. And as you know, i've got a mental illness because of it. But i don't want to talk about it, i almost over it. Doctor, friends and my family are supporting me always :]

13: What is the craziest thing i want to do?

First, i want to do ANYTHING for education. You know, i want to change the world. {Don't judge me} but i have to change myself first. And second, i want to travel the world with the people that i love. Seriously! i really want to do those thing! {God bless me :]} 

14: Do i constantly dwell on the past?

Sadly, i really have to say yes. I have "someone" on my past that probably i have to call him "My first love" it was like 4 years ago when we first met and i still don't get over it. And the last time (For now) that i met him, it was like 2 years ago! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH WITH ALL I HAVE. Omg, i am insane because of him. This is totally weird...

15: Do i forgive myself?

Nah. thats it. I still can't do that and i think i won't. I always think i am the worst, i always do the wrong and i am a b##tard. I don't even know why i can say this, but once you feel it you will get it. {I am a weirdy-foolish}

16: Do i care about what others think about me?

Absolutely no. And i really hate it when people is judging me like i was the worst, the wrong one and always be the one who to blame; Only God can judge me. And whatever they think about me, they didn't know the real me, they didn't know what i've been through. And yeah, i'm still living my Goddamn life. You should know that.

17: Do i let other people's negativity affect me?

ABSOLUTELY NO! i don't mind about what others think. They just want to let me down, but i can give them pain. They should mind their own business; this is my life, not theirs. So stop mind my business and think about your own life!

Music.

1. What band has inspired you the most?
- I guess Passion Pit, Tame Impala, Adele, D-pryde has inspired me the most, the lyrics of their songs is powerful, wonderful, and ah-ma-zing. Their song can make me relax and get comfortable all the time. And the instrument is amazing! really love it, no words can describe how i feel about the instrument. It just amazing.

2:What/who got you into the music you listen to now?
- I can say Youtube and Billboard mostly and of course, movie soundtracks. It All started when my uncle post some electropop music to his profile on Facebook from Youtube. And i starts to searching music there, and random clicking on some music, and sometimes i found the music that i love :p

3:Is music a big part of your life?
- You have no idea how big it is. Music is a really really big part of my life.  I could say that music has really affect my life; music is my best-best friend. And really, i couldn't stop a music whenever i started listen to them. Music is my boyfriend. Music has always been there for me, sad, happy, whatever. 

4:What is your favorite music?
- Let's see uhm, Electropop, Indie pop, Indie Rock, Pop, Psychedelia pop, Alternative dance, etc. I can't describe it but if the instrument or the lyric of the songs is good, or i just love it; then i love the song. 

5:Who is your favorite musician/band?
- easy, Passion Pit, Tame Impala, Michael Buble, The Whitest Boy Alive, Simple Plan, Sean Paul, Boys Like Girls, Arctic Monkeys, The Temper Trap, Lana Del Rey. Etc. Ugh that is really really underrated by the way.

6:What song do you listen to when you’re sad?
- Lost by Michael Buble. This song has some kind of a personal memory for me, so it never fails to make me cry. Or maybe stuck in the moment with Justin Bieber because it's a great song.

But also i love to heard Adele's songs because it never fails too, to make me cry and make me over-thinking sometimes. (Don't judge)

7:What song do you listen to when you’re mad?
- any song by Breathe Carolina. It has some weird sense that could calm me down.

8:What song do you listen to when you’re pissed off?
- Take a Walk by Passion Pit. I can't explain why, i just love it; especially when i'm being pissed. Amd if you listen to the song you'll get it.

9:What is your favorite album? Why?
- My favorite album... i can't choose between Gossamer by Passion Pit or Innerspeakers by Tame Impala Or In Crazy Love by Michael Buble.

10:Who is the the most cute band member you know?
- Niall Horan from One Direction. He has some weird sense that could make me smile whenever i see him.

11:What band/ Musician has the best lyrics?
- COLDPLAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!! And i like Adele as well. But she & him has this really meanigful lyrics that makes me want to jump in a cup of joy!

12:How has music helped you?

- Music has helped me in a lot of ways. For example, it helped me through the toughest moment, it was like 2 years ago. And just by listening to it or playing it on an instrument made me feel better--which is totally somekind of amazing. lol.

October/Octobre.

Passion Pit - Constant Conversation

Tame Impala - Feels Like We Onl Go Backwards

Passion Pit - Cuddle Fuddle 

Peter, Bjorn, John - Young Folks

Tame Impala - Its Not Meant To Be

Lana Del Rey - Summertime Sadness

Homesick - Kings Of Convenience

Passion Pit - Take a Walk

The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition

Neon Trees - Everybody Talks

a buzzyy issue.

sup yo.

i don't know what actually happened to me, but i, was, so, in, love, with, gwen, stacy's, hair. SO! i decided to cut my hair.

and then days later, my father drove me to the salon. And then the very first things that i knew is i must have a courage to cut this beautiful long hair that i've grown since january 2011. repeat people, january. JANUARY 2011. okay jokes. That sound weird..... and i thought it was going to be great

.

AAAAAAANNNNNNNNNDDDDDD IT IS! i really really really love ma new hair! it looks like i was Selena Gomez's twin :D lol jokes. But really, i was so in love with my new hair.

nah that was the sexiest thing.

*****

enough with the hair issue. Now, buzzy issue. Yeah people, since the holiday is over. (okay it was like 2 months ago. i didn't realize it) its like the time is running faster. And lately my life is changed. I mean, the true real transformation. Transformation people, not transformer or transportation. And here are things that happened since last month :

• doesn't pay attention much at my teacher, you know... i've got a brain freeze
• made some new friends at my new class, which is fifty times worse than last year but fifty times better than last year....seriously.
• take a new extracurricular and i don't know if i probably got the skill or i was just lucky..... sad me.
• still not get over someone. Since 2010. repeat people, since 2010. IT'S BEEN 2 YEARS.
• got someone's heart broken
• not study enough because my brain can't stop thinking about someone special. I know this is weird rude and wicked. i'll try to stop doing this because this thing will bother me. Really.
• experienced brain freeze for the very first time in my life
• can't divide time. Really people, i just can't deal with it. A busy day roughly turn into a busy month. Seriously.

okay, point no. 4 is yes, as bad as it sounds. Sound as rude as it felt. I didn't know why i still love that guy. Wahaha that sounds so bad. Yeah it is. Actually, i don't understand what happened with my brain until i still thinking so much about him, even i don't know if....... for the very simple thing, i don't even know if he still thinking about me or not. (yeah, you probably know why i take the very simple thing.) Before i explain the tragedy, i might as well do this thing ...chronologically. Pause. I just typed a long and hard word and i don't even need to check if it's right or not (just in case). i don't want to got myself broken again, people. :]

so anyway~august was a pretty much fun month, i had lots of laugh going on and hopefully September will be as good as August was. Or better.

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andddddddddd thanks for all the readers! and this is my gift to you, because you have finished read this. i didn't give much...

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